Have you heard about the concept tied to running the dishwasher twice? No, it is not related to extra clean dishes are cleaning out your dishwasher.
I was first introduced to this in 2020. To put things in perspective. We were in Hawaii, before COVID hit, at the time. I was about two months postpartum, had a seven year old too, and my husband had just PCS’d (Army speak for “moving for work”). Needless to say there were some challenging times.
So back to my introduction with this concept. In the midst of all the above, I was overwhelmed. The newborn was nursing around the clock, the seven year old’s activities and life did not stop, and I still needed to take care of myself and my household. I tried to do and manage it all but the anxiety peaked and the constant feeling of being overwhelmed was too much. I remember crying going to the grocery store, crying waiting for an activity to end. Just endless crying.
Long story short, I was eventually referred to a therapist. He was actually pretty nice and I credit him to some of the coping tools I use to this day. We met face to face once, then COVID.
On our first meeting he asked, “what can I help you with today?”
Of course I spewed off a laundry list of items.
His response, “if we do nothing else, what can I help you with today?”
I cried, “my house is a mess and the dishes never end!” Ugh, I was not in a good place.
I think it is important to mention, I have a certain way I like to clean, and I do not prefer the dishwasher for everyday use. It is a me thing, I know. Spoiler alert: I have gotten better.
He wanted to know if myself or the kids were in danger and if I needed someone to come to the house. Uh no, I was not there. I was just trying to work through my own neuroticisms.
After we worked through that he asked, “who decided your house is a mess?”
Me perplexed, “well I did…” trailing off. “I cannot get ahead, I am up all day and night trying to do the little things.
Of course he assured me there is nothing wrong with falling behind and not doing all the things. Blah, blah, blah… You know, all the cliches, sleep when baby sleeps, order takeout. It goes on. He was a smart one. He knew I was not picking up what he was putting down.
He gave me a print out and told me to read it. Did I? No, I folded it up and put it in my bag. That is one more thing I did not need to do. I mean I was there because I had too much to do.
But… he made me read it. In front of him. He like called me out saying he knows I would not read it at home. Okay guy, mind your business. You do not know my life after 15 minutes with me. He was right though.
This is when I was introduced to this concept. From the article I read, the issue was laundry. Another issue I have, but that is neither here or there. It was enlightening to say the least.
Did I grab on to this and my life changed for the better right away?
No, nope, not at all.
In my mind. This didn’t apply to me. I could not do that. The situations were just different. Of course I told the doctor I would consider it. Okay…
Fast forward to Fall 2020. I have now PCSd and the family is back together again. We are navigating COVID restrictions at work, school, and daycare. The anxiety is building up again. Because though we are all back together, hubs is constantly traveling for work. In the midst of the things mentioned above.
This is when it happened. I ran the dishwasher twice.
- I stopped focusing on what I thought was right.
- Stopped worrying about the judgment that was not coming from anywhere.
- Focused on what I could effect in my home.
What does that look like for me?
- Loading dirty dishes with some clean ones and running again.
- Sometimes not putting dishes away and letting the dishes “dry” for an extended period of time.
- Rerunning the dryer, unloading when I have time.
- Ordering takeout or eating a prepackaged meal.
I could go on… what is important for me is opening up little pockets of time to allow me to focus on other things.
Media makes it look like we should be able to do it all plus some for our neighbor. You know, find that balance to do all the things and more. I will be the first to say there is no such thing as balance. Anyone that tells me there is, I say nope. It’s my opinion and I have the right to have it.
There is no such thing as balance.
For me, it is about presence. In a future post I will talk all about presence and what it means to me.
I know it is easier said than done. There are hundreds of reasons why it cannot be done. I am only suggesting you give it a try. Dry the clothes twice, rerun the dishwasher, whatever it may be. What do you have to lose?
If you are experiencing any mental health concerns, please seek professional help.
